Most of us know what that is, don’t we? I actually don’t think we do. We are so caught up in the living and the getting on that we forget about being alive. I thought i was friends with my self esteem. It turns out we only met this year. I have lived 27 years without ever making friends with myself, or loving myself the way I love my friends and family.  I always tried to be better, to fit into what i thought other people wanted. All my life I’ve been changing, constantly changing, and getting stuck at the same time.  When I realised that I had a new friend in ‘Self Esteem’, I wondered why it had taken me so long without her, I was lonely, miserable, had devastatingly negative thoughts about myself, I put myself down, I made myself the failure I feared i would be. Without my self esteem, I was nobody. I thought i could get by without her, but the more i turned my back on her friendship, the lower i sank and the harder it was to get up each time.

Self esteem. Even the words make me want to turn away. Why do we have to label things so much? Is it easier to access if it goes by text book descriptions? Break it down. All self esteem really is, is knowing that you are a good person. Believing what you say about yourself, and believing others when they offer compliments.  It’s about knowing that I need an hour to get ready and not feel that I am spoilt or think I’m great or gorgeous or anything like that. I always felt bad at the amount of time I take to have a shower, eat and get myself together. But you know what? That’s what I need, so I’m not going to feel bad about it anymore. When I rush I get stressed out. My temperature goes up, my breathing gets shallow, and I get clumsy. These things put me in a bad mood. Amusingly all of these things also slow me down. So much for rushing to get there faster. In fact, I end up late, in a bad mood, forgetful, upset, and angry at myself and then the rest of my day is ruined. Why do we do this to ourselves?

So here is what I learned.

 Slow down. When I need to rush, I take off my jumper and my shoes (depending where I am of course!), I open the window and I get a cold drink. These things combat the inevitable temperature rise. I prioritize. I take a few minutes out to write things down – yes, I actually do that. By writing down all the things I have to do, and the things that are upsetting me at that moment they don’t seem so big or so bad. Then I put them in order, or I cut out what I can afford not to do right now. It takes a few minutes, but I gain extra time and calmness by taking those minutes. It also stops the rushing feeling, the bad mood creeping in, and the panic of being late. It helps me to identify the fact that I do not need to put myself in the situation where my whole day is out of whack, because I got up ten minutes late – or missed my bus on the way home or whatever has me rushing in the first place.

Self Esteem tells me that I should love myself. I was always afraid of that. I thought in loving myself I would become arrogant and pig headed. I thought that if I gave myself half a chance that everyone would see what a cow I really was because I loved myself so much. In truth, I am not a cow. I am a nice person I do nice things for other people. I go out of my way to help others. I try and make life easier for everyone around me by doing the small things. That’s not arrogant or piggish. I don’t push myself forward and step on people’s toes to get what I want. Loving myself means staying home when I am exhausted or having a bath and painting my toenails, instead of going to meet my friends when they can’t make it to see me. I never had baths before – who could afford the time? I was selfish if I had a bath and didn’t do things around the house, or see whoever couldn’t make themselves free to meet me. I never thought my friends were selfish when they took a few hours to themselves to relax and recoup. I admired them. What does that say about me? What’s good for the goose is not good for the gander? Why not? Loving myself means being comfortable with my body. It means taking time to look after my appearance so that I feel good about myself EVERY day. It means going for short walks and taking breaks from what I’m doing so that I don’t get exhausted. It means eating healthily and in a way that suits me. It means standing up for myself when I need help, or when somebody steps over me. It means caring for myself the way I would care for my best friend or any of my family. Why has it taken my whole life to find this out? Self Esteem is actually pretty cool. I wish I knew her when I was younger, we could have hung out together and maybe I wouldn’t have been so lonely, or found so many roads so tough to walk down.

I started to make myself think about self esteem by writing on a scrap of paper YOU CAN DO IT, and my brother wrote on another scrap LITTLE BITS. I stuck them to my mirror, right at eye level so I HAD to look them straight in the eye every morning.  I kept a notebook and every day I wrote down 5 things that I had done that I was happy with that day. And one thing I liked about myself that day. It got easier. I won’t lie, it took a few years – but that’s because I forgot I had to talk to my friend every day and not just every couple of weeks or months, or whenever I remembered. I started painting my toenails because I hate my feet more than anything. It made me feel that they weren’t THAT disgusting if they looked a little bit nicer. Sometimes they looked almost pretty. I bought clothes that I had always wanted to wear but had never done so because I was never sure of myself enough. I surrounded myself with things I loved every day so that I could remember to smile.

Do something nice for yourself today. Introduce yourself to Self Esteem. She’ll carry you through anything for the rest of your life if you become her friend.

Win two tickets to see MGMT play in the Olympia on Thursday the 16th September.

All you have to do is email competitions@headsup.ie with your name, location, contact number and join us on facebook.

New research by the Economic and Social Research Institute (ESRI) published today in the Irish Independent reveals that thousands of sixth year students are experiencing high levels of stress as they prepare for the leaving certificate examination. This research is part of a bigger study that has been tracking 900 pupils in 12 schools since 2002

Results from those surveyed indicate that:

• Half of the female students surveyed are stressed out in 6th year
• Forty per cent of female students loose sleep because of worry
• One third of boys feel under constant strain in their Leaving Certificate year
• Twenty per cent of boys loose sleep because of this constant strain
• By February of sixth year, almost half of the students are taking grind to help them with the chosen subjects
• The Leaving cert is seen as exams they must do well in
• Cramming for the leaving certificate exams has a negative effect on the time spent on sport and leisure

The full results of this report are not yet available from the ERSI. A transcript of the Irish Independent article can be seen at http://www.independent.ie/national-news/students-health-at-risk-from-points-race-2298649.html

At 10:40pm last Friday Punchestown racecourse was a mucky sight. Constant rain all afternoon didn’t seems to dampen Oxgen goers though as fans lapped up the sounds of the great selection of bands on offer. I was a bit surprised at the amount of people heading away from the main stage at that time though. Arcade Fire, Friday night’s headliner was due on stage at 11pm and throngs of people were, to me, going the wrong direction away from the main stage.  Jay Z had just finished his set and had certainly attracted a huge crowd. Fatboy Slim was at the Vodafone stage and David Guetta was on at the Heineken Green Spheres stage so maybe that’s what caused the crowd to scatter.  The number of people waiting to see Arcade Fire wasn’t as big as I had expected but they still attracted a decent crowd.

Miraculously at around 11pm, the rain stopped and Arcade Fire took to the stage, at least 8 people accompanied by loads of instruments, two drum sets, guitars, accordion, mandolins, violin, viola and many more.  Win Butler poured a bottle of water over his head so he’d be as drenched as the crowd. (It would take more than a bottle of water, I’d say). Opening track for the Oxygen 2010 set was ‘Keep the Car Running’ from the 2007 album Neon Bible and the crowd reacted accordingly.  This was quickly followed by ‘Modern Man’ from this years ‘The Suburbs’ album. Oxygen is one of the first venues to hear tracks from ‘The Suburbs’ album live apart from a few dates in Norway, Sweden and Belgium. The official release date for the album is August 3^rd so they crowd were not as familiar with the new material and it showed. Numerous instrument changes, a video backdrop similar to a 1950’s drive in movie screen, dazzling lights and a good mixture of new and old material kept the crowd very happy.   No surprise appearance from David Bowie, Bruce Springsteen or U2 but they weren’t needed as Arcade Fire closed the first day of Oxygen 2010 with the familiar hits of ‘Intervention’, ‘Crown of Love’ and ‘Wake Up’.

Setlist:
Keep the Car Running- Neon Bible
Modern Man- The Suburbs
Neighborhood #2 (Laika) – Funeral
No Cars Go- Neon Bible
Haïti- Funeral
Empty Room- The Suburbs
Rococo- The Suburbs
The Suburbs- The Suburbs
Ready to Start –The Suburbs
Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)- Funeral
We Used to Wait- The Suburbs
Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) – Funeral
Rebellion (Lies)- Funeral
Month of May – The Suburbs

Encore
Intervention
Crown of Love
Wake Up

Sometimes I feel guilty because I had a very good start in life and parents who would do anything for me. I come from a kind, stable and nurturing family and always had enough food to eat and clothes to wear. I have felt such guilt of not having a “hard upbringing” or bad childhood experience to blame for the depression.

I have realised, big time, that the human mind is the most trapping, limiting prison that we can get stuck into. I believe that mental health and inner peace is the most important health and wealth that we can have.

I was a happy child and very creative. I hated school, so was delighted that I used to be sick with asthma so I got to spend a lot of my childhood at home all day happily painting, making things, writing poems and stories and entering and winning competitions. A package came to the house with a prize least once a week with a prize or money. I had writing published in magazines, artwork was shown on TV and won national competitions, I had artwork on display in 2 of the national museums and I even had my own website by the time I was 12.

When I was a child, I said to myself “I’d like to win that competition” and I set out to win it. Self-doubt or “Am I good enough?” didn’t even come into the picture.

I have always felt a bit “different”, but this became a problem in school. I was very shy and sensitive and when I became a teenager, my shyness and sense of low self-worth got worse and worse. I used to be so shy that at my lunch break I’d do two rounds of going to the shop for people in school, just so I could make the hour go by. I didn’t ever need to buy anything for myself as I had always brought a packed lunch.

I was put on various different medications for depression when I was feeling really shy among the work mates in my first job and then during my college years. Unfortunately they didn’t suit me; probably because I drank a few nights a week while in college and also had eating distress. I also sometimes had slurred speech and was so spaced out that I found it hard to concentrate on what people were saying.

I plucked up the courage one day to go to my college doctor and tell her that I think I may be anorexic and that the medication wasn’t agreeing with me. She looked me up and down, said “You look fine” and prescribed me more pills. There is such a low level of knowledge about depression among many GPs. It makes me so upset to think of all the people who have suffered like I have and feel hopeless.

The author of this article has asked to remain anonymous. The author has also requested that the following website be included with the article: http://www.eatingdisorderselfhelp.com/

The website is not affiliated with HeadsUp.

Looks like we have been ignoring our Random Acts of Kindness…..

With longer, brighter summer days we should have loads of time to spread the kindness and pass it on.

This month’s competition is for a €60 Ticketmaster voucher.

All you have to do is email competitions@headsup.ie with your name, location, contact number and a short summary of the random act of kindness you did.

Some examples of your random acts of kindness will be uploaded onto the HeadsUp website. Identifiable personal details will be omitted from any submission.’

Last months HeadsUp competition winner was J. Mulholland.